Peace, Love and Understanding
by FlowerofAdversity
Summary: Another You Don't Mess With the Zohan fanfiction. After the incidents in the film, Zohan settles down with Dahlia and has two kids of his own which quickly learn the way of the Mossad . The family takes a summer holiday in Israel and are confronted...


_Peace, Love and Understanding _

_Synopsis: Occurring after "You Don't Mess With the Zohan", we find Zohan, Dahlia and his little ones back in the old country with "Phantom" and apparently some old _

"_I love my country but the fighting…when does it end ?"--Zohan _

"_They've only been fighting for a few hundred years, it can't be much longer."--Zohan's mom _

_Chapter 1--Daddy's Little Assassins_

_A year had gone by since Zohan had married Dahlia and they had given birth to the cutest, most adorable little girl. They named her Danielle Rae. The name suited the curly-haired girl and it was obvious Zohan had already fallen head over heels for her. Zohan had mellowed since after Danielle was born, but still had his "instincts". There was a certain area of his brain that would activate should he see something potentially dangerous in the baby's path. She would have to go into the real world someday and Dahlia was a bit concerned she would be overprotective. _

"_Zohan, no matter what you do, Dannie's going to get hurt somehow. There will be times we can't protect her.", Dahlia stated, straightforwardly as she was lifting her up and down playfully. She cooed and giggled as her nose was brought closer to her mother's for an Eskimo kiss. _

"_You've just given me a brilliant idea, Dolly. I will teach her everything I know. In no time, she'll be able to take care of herself.", Zohan said, his confidence rising. Now Dahlia really began to become concerned. She thought that little Dannie would become a Mossad agent unless disciplined correctly, but once she saw how Zohan was training her, she felt it wasn't all that bad after all. Besides, it was a dangerous life living in the big city and having the knowledge of self-defense would more than likely come in handy. _

_Danielle was growing up day by day and began to resemble her mother more and more, but she definitely had her father's smile and charisma. She even imitated him. She ate what he ate, drank what he drank, and even wore the same clothes he did. She would have to be taught to behave a bit more femininely, which she wasn't looking forward to, but she understood she could be an individual and still retain the feminine mystique that emanated from her. _

_The older Danielle became the prettier and sexier her body developed to be. At her young age, men much older than her were flirting with her but she had no intention of having a relationship at 10. She was more interested in the latest CD and making sure everything she wore was accessorized correctly. Despite having these girlish traits, she loved getting dirty and hoped to become an archeologist or forensic scientist when she grew up. As she saw it, she'd be able to play in the dirt the whole day with a career such as that. _

_Danielle's rather pampered life ceased somewhat when her brother Zola came into the world. He was the center of attention now and honestly, Danni was jealous. She had always been the apple of her father's eye, and still was. But Zola needed nurturing and protection from the cruel world outside. Having earned up to a brown belt in karate and working her way up to a 6__th__ daun, Danielle knew she would be able to defend him if she had to, and she could teach him a thing or two about the "art of war". _

_Although brother and sister fought from time to time, they had a magnificent relationship. Both loved each other dearly and played together constantly after school work was done. Danielle was excelling in all her courses and could speak her native Hebrew fluently as well as English, Arabic, Hindi and Urdu. If she ever wanted to be involved with the National Guard, they'd practically __beg _her to join them. She was the more studious of the two, while Zola, was a bit more laid back. Though outstanding in study, he had a bit of trouble with chemistry. He didn't see how it would benefit him in the long run but with help from Danielle he could "get it" in layman's terms and aced all of his tests. He had been learning karate from her as well as tactile and mental defense from dear old dad. The two were thinking like assassins, though they only fired guns on the range during the weekend outside of town. Should they ever use guns, they were to be considered threats, but since neither one of them owned a piece no one had to worry. They were still threatening enough with their skills, which were many. 

Like Danni, Zola could speak many languages, but he could speak Turkish, Egyptian, Kurdish and some African. He wanted to grow up to be in tech support, or possibly be a physical therapist. Whatever career he chose, Danielle supported him and so did mom and dad. But the lives that the blissful family was sharing together was about to change. In the coming summer when they visited the old country, they were about to have an encounter with an enemy Zohan thought he had destroyed for good. Alas, not all lose ends are so easily tied up. 

Chapter 2--Summer in Israel 

It was a horribly hot summer day when Zohan, Dahlia, Danielle and Zola exited the Trans-Arab flight. No one on that flight was American. There were sheiks, oil investors, undercover drug pushers, prostitutes, you name it, this flight had it. Everyone looked suspicious but it went right under the nose of the so-called security system. Luckily there had been no terrorists aboard that flight, which usually happened consistently. So, the stewardesses could mark this day as the 100th without any incident, Inishallah (1). 

Immediately, they all looked for the closest Fizzy Bubbler machines in the area and found one. They would have to drink them slow since it was such a hot sticky day and such a drink as that one could either help them or hinder them in replenishing their energy supply. 

Soon, they found their hotel and changed into swimsuits. Rushing down to the swimming pool, they cooled themselves off for a bit and splashed each other for about an hour's time. After their muscles felt tired, they exited, went back to their rooms and slept soundly for the night. 

The next day, the kids wanted to take a trip to the ocean. Zohan and Dahlia were elated to oblige and brought along the perfect picnic basket to enjoy their afternoon activities. After enjoying a satisfying meal and Fizzy Bubbulahs, Danielle and Zola began playing Frisbee with each other along the shore, laughing raucously. They had never seen the beaches in Israel so this was a new experience for them. It was almost like Long Island beach, save the fact it had no trash, hypodermic needles and random pieces of refuse strewn here and there that had to be cleaned up consistently. 

"Daddy, come play with us !", Danielle called for her father, holding her hands up in the air and waving them exuberantly. 

"Your papa's coming !", Zohan yelled as he raced toward his children and picked them both up as if they were feathers. Danielle was set on his right shoulder and Zola the left. He spun around whimsically and made _whooshing_ noises as if he were a jet. 

"We're flying, Danni !", Zola exclaimed, euphorically. He then held either child out on the palm of either hand and "flew" them through the air. As soon as he set them down, they got their bearings and rushed out toward the sea. 

Zohan and the children played in the ocean with abandon, not even realizing they were being watched. Even Dahlia was enjoying the summer sun on her beige skin, soaking up every ray that fell upon her. 

Chapter 3--Run In With an Old Foe 

From the entrance to the beach, one of Phantom's men that had not taken the fall from the attack those many years ago, watched Zohan and his family carefully. Abdul, his name was. His alias in these parts was "Black Cobra" and like his moniker, he was considered extremely dangerous. He had known Zohan had been alive all this time and wanted him _dead _by any means possible. He couldn't understand why Phantom had let him live, let alone produce progeny.

Dahlia sensed something was amiss when she thought she saw some rustling in some wimpy looking shrubs nearby. Taking a closer look, she knelt down and quickly, a judo chop landed against her neck, knocking her out cold. 

"That's it my dear. Sleep for now. I'll deal with _you _later.", Cobra thought to himself as he effortlessly pulled her body behind the shrubs and sneaked carefully closer to where Zohan and his children were playing. There weren't any other people on the beach. Not even tourists. It was a slow day and that was uncommon for this time of year. However, this was to Cobra's advantage. No one could see him if he stepped out and began shooting. But now wasn't the time for brash actions. He wanted to take pleasure in hunting his prey. He wished the most gruesome, painful, agonizing death to him. He would die slowly, in front of his children as they watched, unable to assist him. Little did he suspect they had been trained in the ways of the Mossad. 

The masked assassin made his move cautiously and sprung up from the sand under Zohan's feet. The children, who were out playing in the sea, were too busy having fun to notice their father struggling, but this didn't last for long. 

"Black Cobra ? I thought you were dead !", Zohan stated, a bit peeved that his oldest foe was still alive and kicking, planning to disembowel Zohan and cut him into ribbons. 

"You thought incorrectly, Zohan, my nemesis. The Black Cobra is indestructible. Nothing on earth can stop me. Not even you. You see, I had been prepared for that bomb you set off so many years ago. Instead of catching myself in the blast, I buried myself for cover and used a dummy to take my fall. Oldest trick in the book, and you, my gullible friend, fell for it like any imbecile would.", Cobra said, smirking sardonically. Zohan wanted to punch Cobra's teeth into his trachea, but held back his fury. Cobra started to dart toward the water but Zohan blocked him.

"If you touch my children, I will rip every last appendage from your body and beat you with it.", Zohan threatened. He knew that Zohan wasn't simply fooling around when he made vows such as that. The man was to be feared and respected, but Cobra wondered if the Mossad assassin still possessed the ability that made him the most wanted target of the Al Quaida among other lesser-known terrorist groups. 

Cobra didn't wait long to find his answer. He kicked Zohan but hit nothing. Instead, Zohan had caught his leg and twisted him down into the sand. He pulled his left arm into his back and held him down. 

"Say it ! You know you want to !", Zohan seethed. Cobra winced, never having felt such pain in all his life. He didn't want to be defeated so easily and did his utmost to crawl from the hold back onto his feet but had no luck of doing so. Zohan just pulled his arm harder, which made Cobra grit his teeth. Cobra hurt so bad he actually began crying. 

"I will never say you're better than me ! The Jews can never be better than the Muslims !", Cobra said, having trouble getting up enough strength to try and pin Zohan. Even if he wanted to, Zohan's strength was incalculable. 

Chapter 4--Let's Just Try To Get Along From Now On 

After enduring exactly 7 hours of excruciating pain from Zohan's hold, Cobra finally gave up. 

"You're better than I.", Cobra said at last. 

"No one's better than anyone else. We're all from the same tribe, you know.", Zohan said, pulling his enemy up to his feet. Still massaging his aching arm, Cobra was surprised that Zohan hadn't simply disposed of him and allowed him to live. Cobra had to admit Zohan's perspective was true, but had never thought of Muslims and Jews in such a way before. In fact, the 'same tribe' message was true of the entire world. It touched his heart, enough to make him want to weep. Even tough assassins, like Cobra, have tendencies for sensitivity. 

"I'm sorry…What you said moved me.", Cobra said, wiping his eyes. Zohan patted his adversary on the back, assuring him that yes, even men cry, and no, it's not something to be ashamed of. 

"It means you have a heart. It's as the song says, 'Why do we scream at each other ? This is what it sounds like when doves cry.'", Zohan said. His children ran up to him and prepared to beat his enemy senseless until Zohan raised his hand. 

"No…He has given up. He is no threat to us now.", Zohan said. Cobra unveiled himself, revealing that he was drop-dead gorgeous. At that moment, Dahlia awoke and kicked him in the back of the head before Zohan could stop her. The poor fellow fell to the sand and was out cold. 

"He had it coming !", Dahlia declared, after expressing the Al Quiada terrorist had knocked her out only moments before. 

After Zohan explained to Dahlia what had happened, she immediately apologized for her actions and begged for forgiveness. 

"No need to be forgiven, dear lady. If I had been in your sandals, I would've done the same thing.", he said, with a bit of a chuckle. His ribs still hurt from having his body twisted in such an awkward, unnatural position. It would take him a while to resume a normal posture, but he didn't mind that much. The five of them made an agreement at that exact second that none of them would ever raise a hand to each other. Cobra would tell a long white lie about how he defeated "The Zohan" in single handed combat. The gorier his story was, the more impressive it would look to the head of the terrorist organization. It was likely that he would return to killing other Mossad agents in the future, but he would never hurt Zohan for as long as he lived (and in Al Quiada time, that was rather short). 

Epilogue 

Undeterred and unaffected, the Israeli family finished their play date on the beach and headed to the nearest shaved-ice booth. The vendor gave them an extra helping, thanks to Dahlia's heaps of seduction and charm.

"I swear, that snow-cone maker was giving your bazongas the once over.", Zohan stated, caressing her sides affectionately. The children rolled their eyes. Sometimes their father could be so over the top when it came to being smooth that he bordered on cheesy.

"He was, but I have you, my dear.", she said, kissing him lovingly.

"Ick, can we just _go _already ? It's Saturday…my favorite shows are on !", Zola whined a bit. He tugged his father's arm and his sister did the same. Strangely, she enjoyed many of the same programs that he did. Without any further ado, the two enemies turned friends said their farewells.

Zohan and his family returned to the hotel room and let the kids watch television as they relaxed in the hot tub downstairs. There were other people watching them get a bit frisky in the tub, but decided they would save their amorous activities until later.

As soon as Zohan and Dahlia tucked their children into bed, they looked forward to the time they would be spending with their parents in the days ahead. It wasn't to be a long visit, but thus far, despite the tangle and misunderstanding with Cobra, it was a peaceful, relaxing summer. Their memories from this trip would last them many lifetimes over. As they rested in each other's arms, the two watched each other slowly slip into delta sleep and dreamed of the entertaining days to come and the movement of peace that had only just begun.

The End

(1) Inishallah: Arabic "God Wills" or "God Willing"


End file.
